Bob Dylan - Christmas In the Heart (15 tracks) +Album Reviews

Happy Birthday Jesus

Michael Neiss | Princeton, NJ United States | 04/13/2010

(5 out of 5 stars)

"I have lived with Christmas In The Heart for a few months with my opinion pinballing between inspired, strange, jarring or, just plain boring. No matter, as a Christmas album CITH succeeds admirably simply because it turns some of the well trodden holiday canon on its head - however, as a birthday album, I remain less convinced.

There are families today who think nothing about dropping significant coin on birthday celebrations for their children that would make some third-world plutocrats blush at their opulence and excess - I can only imagine their white hot rage and ensuing lawsuit histrionics if the trapeze artist, juggling troupe or Animal Planet snake charmer showed up drunk or stoned all but ruining the three-ring processional for little Chase or Cassandra.

Now imagine a parent's reaction if the true Eternal God were to punch up Dylan's Christmas In The Heart on His celestial iPod. After having lived through Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer or Ray Conniff's World of Christmas Strings, would He smile at Bob, just thankful for something different in tribute to His Son or would the grizzled, gargling with gasoline vocals finally push Him over the edge - it's hard to say how the Lord of Hosts - who has always been comfortable with a righteous smite, smote or pox - would handle the situation.

Despite his Christian dabbling, Dylan has really always been an Old Testament guy, so he, more than anyone, must know that the odds are definitely with the House on this one.

So, with hands trembling on the keyboard and eyes averted skyward for a wayward bolt of score settling lightening, I endorse Christmas In The Heart as an authentic roots classic that just may grow on you - and hopefully Him.

"

For Dylan fans

D. J. MCDONALD | 02/17/2010

(4 out of 5 stars)

"If you're a Dylan fan, buy it. If not, take a gamble. It put a smile on my wife's face, who is as sick of Bob Dylan as any spouse can be."

Graet music

Dana in Texas | Texas | 03/22/2010

(5 out of 5 stars)

"This is a great cd. I almost wore it out during the holiday. Great job Dylan!"

We appreciate the gesture, Bob, but...

T. Davis | Seattle, WA | 10/20/2010

(1 out of 5 stars)

"This album is beyond painful, beyond wretched: it's simply and completely unlistenable. Saccharine settings for the gurgling croak and the gravelly wheeze of a lifelong smoker. It defines the word "ill-conceived." Since he's one of the greatest songwriters ever, and since he's donating his profits from this album to good causes, I may forgive Dylan someday, but first I'll have to somehow forget hearing Santa Claus dragged over the coals and the Little Drummer Boy strangled and the Herald Angels scream. Do you hear what I hear? I hope not! What could they have been thinking when they recorded this disgraceful dreck?

I'll give this much to the CD: it's given Amazon reviewers the opportunity to sharpen their wit and lavish the music with the caustic comments it deserves. Allow me to quote a few of them: "He makes Tom Waits sound like Perry Como." "It's enough to make the most devout Christian consider atheism. Giving this two stars. One for each of Bob's tar-filled lungs." "If I were a little kid, I'd run and hide my head under the pillow rather than listen. Actually, I may do that myself." "Perhaps a better name for the album would have been 'Your Crazy Uncle Gets Drunk at the Family Christmas Party and Starts Singing.'" "This collection of Christmas cacaphony causes me to cringe. Forced to sit through it again I might very well have to hang myself by the chimney with care." "Knocks William Shatner out of first place for most embarrassing vocal performance ever." "Farcical at best and just plain creepy at its worst."

Had enough? I think not. You may still be considering a purchase, so permit me to present a few more carefully chosen words of warning: "Just listening curdles my innards." "Possibly the worst album ever recorded." "Like being sucker punched at a birthday party." "An album of Christmas music that could be used to interrogate detainees at Guantanamo Bay." "Jesus Christ, I feel like climbing up on a cross after one listen." "Everyone involved in performing, producing, and distributing this monstrosity should be jailed for assault." "Sounds like karaoke at a nursing home." "Sounds like a cross between Joe Cocker and a chainsaw." "Sounds as if he's been gargling with old razor blades." "Sounds like he's singing through a tracheotomy." "Sounds like Swamp Thing with a cold." "Sounds like someone slit his throat and then forced him to sing before he expired." "Dylan ruins Christmas."

Please, please, please: Listen to a few of the audio clips before you buy. And then don't. Give all the money you would have spent on this abomination to charity and, if you're religious, pray that Bob doesn't make any more albums like this one."

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