Graphex | Westminster, CO United States | 06/07/2006
(1 out of 5 stars)
"If you liked "Come To Daddy" or the song "Milkman" from from Richard D. James Album... you probably aren't going to like this. I had to find this out the hard way (i.e. I purchased this album before any reviews were posted, and there was no image).
I think it is kind of funny you can buy this as a set with Hangable Auto Bulb. Maybe it would go better with windowlicker?"
Richard D. James > Gawd
Derivative Contrivance | Outer, Space | 12/20/2008
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Just like so many of my fellow hapless Amazonians, I stumbled upon this dreck whilst scouring this site for AFX (as in the alternate alias Richard D. James of Aphex Twin) used cd's. Fortunately for me, there was plenty of information on this item to alert me that it has nothing to do with Richard's astounding, more arcane ventures. But apparently, others weren't so fortunate, and those poor souls found themselves bamboozled by the kind of surreptitious fundraising we've all come to expect from the Good Shepherd's wolves-in-sheep's-clothing. Now, I am not typically so intolerant of Godly behavior; from a distance, Christians are kinda cute what with all their idyllic simpering. But when they release an album (especially one that's basically just a soporific recording of any wishy-washy Sunday-morning-adult-service pedestrian "rawk" worship band you could hear in any church in any state) taking the nom de plume of Richard D. James in vain, unrighteous indignation churns inside of me. Now, this wouldn't be such blasphemy if "Altar FX" hadn't obviously written their own Artist Description. And even that Description would not be such an unpardonable transgression, if it weren't for the fact that #1. they condescendingly explain the God-awful meaning behind their name like a cheesy uncle who explains his horrid puns as if everyone is oblivious, when that uncle himself is oblivious to the fact that everyone got the joke but they're not chortling because it wasn't at all clever & #2. Well... just that the review is as horrid as the album. See... I didn't purchase this (thank GAWD), but I heard the clip of the 1st & last tracks, and I get the gist of it. There's really nothing at all to get. I've been to "progressive" churches before (I was raised in a Christian home, unfortunately.), and EVERY SINGLE ONE of their worship bands played this stale new zombified attempt at compelling arena rock. Think Radiohead, if Radiohead made a career of getting progressively more hackneyed after Pablo Honey, instead of redefining music with every new release. Or think Coldplay, if their brilliant guitarist quit and Chris Martin's earnest dweebiness ceased to be endearing & charismatic. Or simply take everything that makes a great plaintive, melodic rock band distinguished and discard it so's they won't step on anyone's toes. And that would leave you with "Altar FX".
There are so many little subtleties in the "About the Artist" section that irk me, but the one that really gets my goat is the impression that they think they're hip & happenin'. The very first sentence makes some HUGE statements, like their lyrics are creative, their melodies are memorable, and the vocals are strong. The lyrics are only creative in that they've obviously been plagiarized from anything being sung in churches these days, yet they're not directly lifted from the projector sheets so nobody's the wiser. The melodies are about as memorable as anything by any one of the zillion anonymous boring-fratguy tribute bar-bands that will only ever play free concerts. And the vocals... are done by a Lead Worshipper named "Joey", and he sounds exactly like you think he would sound, with the image his nickname conjures. But anyways... read on further, and you'll find that A.FX doesn't even bother with humility, purporting that their songs "are quickly becoming powerful tools to share the Gospel" and Joey's "passionate worship style has challenged generations to search harder after the heart of God", even though this is their debut album, so they apparently haven't been around for GENERATIONS. Furthermore, nothing this mediocre could challenge even the greenest neophytes.
Really, I could blather on for volumes about how pitiful this album is, but I should hit the sack. Before I digress, though, I must say one last thing: A.FX belives THEIR music will change the lives of people for Gawd, and it seems that they think they'll be the first to ever do this successfully, as if they can truly "Reverse The Trend". But frankly, why would a divine being EVER chose to convey himself through this band in particular? What makes A.FX such a prime candidate for being a vessel? That they have the nerve to assert their own pertinence perturbs me. This is the very first review I've ever written on Amazon, because I find this so hilarious! The paradox of feigned humility! The inexplicable coincidence!
I pray that Richard hath smote this band, so all will proclaim that HE IS AFX.
I apologize for my circumlocution. Oh wait, no I don't...
At any rate, peace & pizza to all, especially poor "Joey".
Luv,
Derivative Contrivance
who really has no right to say anything about anyone else, actually"
Actionable deceptive advertising?
Too many toys | National Capital Region | 11/14/2007
(1 out of 5 stars)
"Like many, I found out the hard way that this was not RDJ. I can remember the days of Milli Vanilli and I am wondering if RDJ won't sue this nitwit if the folks who were duped into buying this can form a class action suit to get our money back from this knucklehead (not Amazon)."
Track Listings (11) - Disc #1